I love my sista gurls, My girlfiends. I would go to battle for them. Most of my inner circle has been in my life for 8+ years. I have three close friends whom I’ve known since I lost my baby teeth. There is nothing that I wouldn’t do for them.
But, what happens when two of your friends “go to war”? Who’s side do you pick? What do you share with the other? How would you handle this situation?
So, this is happening to me with two different sets of girlfriends. I have learned that my stance has changed based on their situations. I guess I should break this down.
Case #1: My friend believes that her feelings aren’t being considered and that my other friend is using her current “situation” to get ahead. Once hearing this story, and considering my friend’s personality, I believed it. It is her MO. Not intentionally, but she has a history having tunnel vision and not necessarily being in tuned to what others’ think about in any given situation.
Case #2: My friend was so mad! So mad at girlfriend that she stopped talking to her. She even hung up on our friend ( I guess only my friend now) and wouldn’t respond to her text messages.
Want to know the crazy? The crazy is both of my friends were OBLIVIOUS that someone was mad at them. They were not aware until someone told them.
In case #1, I told. That’s right. I did it. Not on some blabber mouth type stuff….I was defending my wounded friend and thought she needed to know that she was doing that tunnel vision stuff again. Unfortunately, they haven’t worked it out, but at least all parties are now aware. I am rooting for them! We’ve been friends for WAY too long.
Well, #2… I am proud of her. She took a big girl pill and finally stepped up and addressed the situation herself.
As I was watching these situations unfold I’ve learned a few lessons myself.
1. The battle is not yours, Honey! Tell your friends that you love them, but you aren’t choosing sides. In fact, let them know that you pray that one day we can all get along and act like big girls again. In the meantime, I love you both and will continue being friends with both.
2. Most of the time, one party does not even know they are in a “war”. They don’t even know that they’ve hurt feelings. Both of my friends had other issues that this sista-gurl was not aware of. So, I know for certain that my friends had no clue that the “no response” was not because they didn’t care or they were being insensitive, but because they were dealing with their own shit that they didn’t even tell their closest friends.
This leads me to think that being mad AND NOT LETTING THE OTHER PARTY KNOW is somewhat of a selfish act. I CAPPED and underlined that statement so you understand that being mad… oh, that is a natural part of life and can be at times healthy. But, bottling that stuff in is selfish and childish.
With all that being said, I still don’t know what I’m gonna do the next time my friends get at each other. But I do know that I can promise my friends that if I am mad at you…. you’ll know.
Your thoughts?
Honey!
(There are always exceptions to the rules. We all know what lines we can and can not cross with your sista-gurls and they should be respected!)
